A Polyamorous Triad: A couple with three people in it

Allan and Kate, both psychologists, had been married for three years and had just bought a house in Melbourne’s eastern suburbs when Allan met Lou, a lawyer, at a party. “You’ve got to meet my wife, Kate,” he told Lou. “You’d love her.”

She did. And so did he.

Prior to meeting Lou, Allan and Kate had long considered themselves to be in a polyamorous relationship—“We both love women,” says Kate. They enjoyed threesomes together, meeting women on polyamorous dating websites, but were always careful to negotiate the emotional boundaries beforehand.

Before, “I hadn’t ever heard of a poly triad,” laughs Lou. “I was on poly dating sites, so you think I would have.” Lou came home after spending one weekend with Allan and Kate and realised she had caught feelings. For both of them. “I googled it, and up it came.”

A polyamorous triad—or poly triad—is a form of polyamorous relationship in which three people, of any gender, are involved romantically or sexually with one another.  It not a Vee, in which three people are connected through one shared lover.  A poly triad is also not a threesome. Nor is it a situation where there is a couple and an ‘other’.  “In the end,” writes Jeff Leavell who is in a triad with two men, “each side of the triangle has to be equal or it falls apart. Without equality there is no actual relationship.”

The best way to describe it is that a polyamorous triad is a couple. With three people in it! “It’s like having a regular, monogamous relationship but having more than one of them in it,” says Mark, a polyamorous computer programmer.

Two years after meeting, Kate and Allan and Lou now share domestic life in that house in the Eastern suburbs and are “just your average middle-aged couple with a dog and bills,” laughs Kate. “There’s just three of us instead of two.”

It can’t all be domesticity though can it? Well, no. “People always ask about the sex,” writes Leavell. “They imagine constant nights of three-ways and orgies, and to some extent they are right.”

Are you in a poly triad? Let us know your stories in the comments.

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